I identify as a rapidly aging LA bisexual in a stable relationship with a nice guy who brings me coffee when I'm hungover and secretly arranges to get my filthy car cleaned, but there was a time—not so long ago, in fact—when I was a young, messy, newly out lesbian living in Brooklyn and doing my level best to secure a girlfriend however possible. I didn't want just any girlfriend, however; I went on plenty of dates with nice, normal women who held down jobs and paid their taxes and responded to my texts.
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